Wednesday, January 11, 2006
The Heirloom - 40%
Ok .. I must be professional about this. No matter how much I dislike a film, I must still show it some respect by at least including a graphic of the movie - be it a poster or the logo. No matter how bad I feel a movie is, I must still refrain from using vulgarities. No matter how much I hate a movie, I must still back up my claims. And here goes - the following are the reasons why this film is the worst rated film this on my blog so far ..
1) Let's begin with the story (without giving away the "twist) - it is about a young man inheriting an old mansion. He decides to live in it and persuades (didn't do much really) his girlfriend who was initially extremely commitment-phobic (but suddenly switched mode u-turned 180 degrees in the first 10min of the film) to live together in this old mansion. Well, you guessed it, this house is haunted. But what's even more amazing (ahem ... ridiculous) is its amazing ability to teleport anyone who has spent a night there, from whereever he/she is if they leave the house. Yes you read it right .. teleportation. So what's wromg with the story? It is incoherent, it is ridiculous, it tries to hide its secrets by messing up the screen and passing them off as "special effects". And by making scenes blur and eventually making them clearer towards the end to "reveal" its secrets is a cheap way of saying "I have no idea how to make clever hints, misdirections and clever twists, so I'll just hide the secret by making sure u can't see it properly". Weak weak weak!!! Was the story about the house or the rearing of baby spirits?? Make up your mind!! It felt like the baby spirit portion was so forcefully pushed into the story and it didn't feel natural at all. Why would the baby spirit make the house so special?? Or why would the house be even necessary?? Argh .. Why is this movie even necessary??
2) Terrible terrible lines!!! Oh my this film has some terribly written lines. I wondered if I was watching a movie written by a cry-o-rama TV drama screenwriter?!! Tip to the script writer - stick to TV drama.
3) Terrible soundtrack. F@#@king annoying!!! The organ music reminds me the 70s horror movie Amityville. And the worst part, it is pervasive throughout the entire freaking film!! I don't recall much moments in the film where there's no music in the background - and worst still, it is freaking distracting!! Imagine "Shot of scary mansion" Background music "Ta Dummmm....!!" Puleeeeze!!! Help me!!
4) The actors - I could tell they are serious about the roles - dead serious .... But the overacting is freaking killing me ....
5) Technically - bad .... How many tracking shots of the house are gonna use (no .. re-use) in the film? Some of the shots are so poorly framed I seriously wonder if it is the DP's fault or the director's fault. Who stoyrboarded this??? Some angles of the film are so badly chosen I wonder if the director had gone to film school?? And some out of focus shot - one of them was so blatant I suspect they had no choice but to keep it in there as they didn't have time to go back to shoot it. That shot was of the police inspector looking at the 1st dead body - you could tell the inspector was out of focus and the police in the background was the guy in focus. Was auto-focusing on?? :P
6) Horror movie?? Yeah .. horrible movie ...
So, I know, I have lost it. I actually used a bad word at point number 3. Sorry but I really felt like asking the director to return me the $10 I paid for the movie. Boys and girls, please give it a pass. ...