Friday, December 23, 2005

Getting Personal

Well .. it's too long since i posted something like really .. personal. I mean nonsensical to those who do not know me. I mean geeze .. this blog was meant to be something for my friends. I have become so busy of late (of late few years?) it has been so tough for me to follow up on them or for them to follow up on my dailies. Email used to be good .. but really ... I've gotten lazy too. Blogging is like writing a diary for me, and it lets off my steam and angst and anguish ... used to do weekly updates on my life. ... maybe i shld start going back to doing that ....

But the problem is ... I am not a person who likes to be "rigid-timized". Nope .. I don't like to set myself a timetable and force myself to adhere to. I don't like to set long term commitmental schedule that will rule my life .. and thus the weekly mandatory update only worked for so long. And maybe that's why I never could find a long term solution to my relationship problems .. or the lack of.

See .. I have problems finding myself a girlfriend ... for the LOOONGEST time ... and commitment problems? Actually I don't think so .. but the problem is I am unable to set my life in a "stable" format that keeps any girl from finding a "secure" man within me. What to do? Women these days (esp those SG ones) want their man to be dependable, stable, steady, careerminded blah blah blah ... but once things go out of the "expected path", they will get scared and run. Divorce case are on the rise .. and never did I expect that so many of my own friends are undergoing the split.

Are people these days so unacceptable to change, that's why they break when the "man/woman that I love is no longer who he/she was"? Or are they too quick to change and willing to "move on and not live with a mistake"? There are no straight answers i guess ... People these days are more "individual" driven ... more well off to make decisions like that ... more in control of their lives ... less concern of those divorcee stigmas etc. ...

But the bottom line is, people these days break more easily. Not just in relationship, but in things that they do, and mentally, and physically and all .... I break a little everytime ... and i wish I could stop breaking sometimes. ...

13 comments:

Bitchy Witchy said...

Singaporeans are too bloody practical. Which is why the divorce rate is so high and every other person here is looking for The One - who has a stable job, is on the tried and tested path, etc, etc...all i can say is that you should hang on cos the right one will look past all that and will be able to accept you as you are.

Sylvia said...

Maybe you are liking the wrong kind of girls.

People change only over a long period of time, So you have to wait the girls that you are attracted to, to change long long. Either that, or move on.

Anonymous said...

If Singaporeans are practical they will not divorce. The high rate of divorce is due to Singaporeans now being too individualistic and selfish. They think only about themselves and never put themselves in other people' shoes. They don't see the need to put in effort to make a marriage work.

Andy said...

What??? Wow...

You are bitching about the WRONG THING my friend. You want a girl to like you? Woo her. Work out, wear nice clothes, smile, be humorous, get her flowers, be spontaneous, that kind of thing. These are the things that attract girls, not good business ideas and awesome taste in movies and electronics. Even a stable job, while that may make you MORE attractive, that's not going to make a girl like you from the get go. You need to provide a certain SPARK to ignite the chemistry. Yeah, it's fuckin' superficial right? Well, that's the way the world works my friend...superficiality gets you in the door.

AFTER you're in the relationship, then you've gotta keep it. This varies from girl to girl (also varies from guy to guy). Day after day, year after year, you prove yourself to be the kind of guy the girl can love, and vice versa. The day you can't compromise for love, or she can't compromise for love, is the day that shit like breaking up and divorce occurs. When you're actually in the relationship, you learn about things that she likes, and she learns about things that you like. You do that shit for each other, because making the other person happy should make you happy.

When people break up b/c their significant other has "changed," that's not the reason why they break up. It's not becauset things have "changed." It's because they expected one thing, and got another. Sometimes people break up b/c their significant other has NOT changed. The girl has constantly been learning and improving, while the guy has just been in a rut. Maybe in the beginning, the guy kept trying to figure out what made the girl happy and did those things, and then stopped trying after he got her. That's also a mistake. People's preferences change over time...you've gotta constantly find out the new thing the girl likes. My friend's mom recently got into wine, and her dad flew her mom out to Champagne, France so they could try wine together. They're still wooing each other after over 50 years of marriage. Was it change? HELL YEA, but that change wasn't so bad...

Anonymous said...

as a fairly normal and run-of-the-mill kinda gal, i can attest that most girls, regardless of nationality, do seek stability and dependability in men - dont pin this on your singapore dart-board. And I dont think there's anything wrong with or "blah-blah"-worthy about seeking these elements in a relationship. I'm sure the right one will come along soon, and when that happens, the wait will be well-worth it :)

Yee-Wei Chai said...

Yo andy, I am not undergoing some break up lah. Nor am I whining about my lack of girlfriend. Just a little observations of things around me. I was just talking to another friend of mine who is going through a divorce. Just makes me evaluate my own situation with others.

and yeah i guess this is a universal kinda of thing. Women look for dependability and stability .. but realize things like "nice guy", "kindness", "sincerity" all don't matter anymore? Yeah they only come as afterthoughts. People base more things on first impression these days. So that's why "40 year old virgins" are seen as weirdoes and freaks as opposed to victims of "society". Nice guys finish last.

sylvia said...

Also, remember my ploy: to hang mistletoe under the doors of your restaurants, and over all the tables. Then you will have excuse to claim its bad luck not to kiss the girls (whatever girl you are supposedly attracted to, invite her to the restaurant) loh.

hee hee hee. Merry Christmas.

Violet said...

Whenever I read about divorces, I will remember the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. Morrie said that people nowadays are too tied up with their own lives, and too swayed by society's 'culture'. So, Morrie's advice is this... when looking for a life partner, make sure he/she shares the same values, and one of the most important values that you both should share that... you have to make the marriage work no matter what. If both parties are equally committed to the marriage, then life-long partnership like the one Morrie shares with his wife is possible...

Some might say that it's easier said than done, but I think sometimes, we, the new generations, we are too self-absorbed to even try.

Anonymous said...

i think "dependability/stability" and "nice guy/kindness/sincerity" are NOT mutually exclusive traits. It doesn't mean that someone seeking dependability and stability doesnt give 2 hoots as to whether the guy is nice/sincere or not.Just being stable/dependable is worthless if the guy is some arrogant a#%hole. Likewise just being nice and sincere will not suffice if the guy is loopy and ungrounded.

farewellwaltz said...

i agree with what the last anon said...

yes you may be nice sincere kind, but it doesnt mean the gal u are attracted to will like you in return. love is more than this. it is also about the 'fit' between two people. if she doesnt like you in return, it doesnt mean you are too nice ot not nice enough. love isnt like this.

sometimes there is no need to get philosophical about why one loses out in the courtship race.

just keep on trying! take the time to woo the gal, know her, understand her and love her.

good luck.

Rummybean said...

Eh no la. Please, not every girl wants the so-called "dependable type" with the "stable career". I adore you, my friend, but don't lump us all together hor, please. I'm with my bf not coz he's the type with the stable career; I'm with him coz he's a lot of amazing stuff in one person and also a "nice guy", who has "kindness" and "sincerity" - qualities which you rightly deem important. :) And yeah, we are a perfect fit!!!!!! as farewellwaltz puts it so well.

Regarding divorce, I think everyone here raised really good points. My opinion is: people divorce so much these days coz they marry for the wrong reasons in the first place...social/peer pressure, for the HDB flat, the girl wants to get married but the guy doesn't but does it anyway etc etc. and people generally have the "wrong values" about marriage. They think it's something you do until you don't feel like doing it anymore.

It's sad.

jay paul said...

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jay paul said...
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